Scary-ok?

So…this will most likely be a not so concise post. I still haven’t completely gathered my thoughts on this subject, as I HATE admitting that I’m afraid and that I may not be in control…i guess I just don’t like facing my own mortality…
See I have a “bone tumor” growing in my left shoulder…actually it’s been there for almost as long as I can remember. It has pushed my scapula out and about into giant proportions. Let me say that I haven’t been pain free also for as long as I can remember. It has recently been brought to my attention that it is approximately an inch ama a half in diameter by two(ish) inches long and it requires immediate surgery. Also, the cancer word haas been thrown my direction and THAT is one is the scariest words I have ever heard…I’m like “damn I’m not even thirty how the fuck can this be a possibility?!?!”
Needless to say I have a million ton load weighing my mind down. I won’t know anything about the cancer results until after surgery and I can’t have surgery until I save up enough cash to pay for it. Thankfully I have the support of countless friends and family members who, in they’re selflessness, are in the planning stages for a benefit to raise the funds. And most of all my wife has been by my side:) she’s been great in her unyielding support!!!
I wish I could think of anything but this…but I can’t. I’m a pessimist at heart and all I can think of is hearing a positive result…then I spiral down into thinking of what the hell will my wife and kids do should something happen to me? The thought of my girls being without their daddy and the love of my life losing a husband tears me apart!!! I’m very thankful for everyone in my life for everything they are doing to help my family and me.
And thanks for putting up with my rambling;)

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